mom

Such a little word- mom- for such all that comes with it.  I have a lot of thoughts on motherhood today, my second Mother's Day as a mother.
First off:  my momma.  Growing up people literally asked me:  "Does your mom ever get mad?" When I was in middle school she was a substitute teacher at our school.  When people found out that I was Mrs. Adams' daughter they would go on on and about how they loved my mom and how she was the nicest sub ever. (If you know/have interacted with a middle schooler before- they are not the easiest to please, this is a pretty big deal.) My mom is the nicest, most patient person I know.  I remember going to the store with my mom and getting upset or embarrassed when she would talk too long to the cashier or worker. :) (She is the friendliest customer!) I also recall times when I felt like she  had every right to be upset, but chose not to be offended or be mad.  (This too would frustrate me!) My mom is such an example to me of choosing to act, and not be acted upon.  She doesn't let what people do or say around her effect her. She keeps that smile on her face and goes with it. Thank you mom, for all you have done and continue to do for me.  I am so blessed.

Friday I had my first motherhood reality check.  I was drained from the week, I was fighting a cold.  And I felt like I was completely failing.  I thought back over the day I decided that: 1.  "I can't take a 4 minute shower" (Friday Makayla was bringing garbage from the kitchen trash can to me in the shower- while trying to climb in) 2. "I can never go grocery shopping again." The past few times I have pulled into the parking lot I feel like I start holding my breath.  Please stay in the cart today- please don't be the screaming baby in the store today. No harness can keep Makayla down. Somehow, she wiggles that little body free.  Friday's trip to the store was no exception. She was out within the first 5 minutes and not wanting to to sit in the cart for a fun, relaxing ride.  No, she wanted to push the cart- this was the only thing that would make her happy. Picture:  Makayla barreling down the aisles blindly pushing the huge cart- happy as a clam- me trying to stay one step ahead to lead the cart, frantically grabbing things off the shelves, throwing them into the cart, reading my list, and keeping innocent bystanders out of harm's way. I will skip the check out part. ugh. 3. " I can't eat dinner without a little person crawling on me" Makayla loves her high chair for an average of 5 minutes.  She eats then again struggles, wiggles, and squirms her body out of that chair. Then moves on to crawling onto my chair, lap, back. The food on my plate looks better than hers...my plate becomes our plate.  Begin Friday night.  SO done with the day. 8:00- Makayla is asleep I get to cuddle up with Andrew for a chick flick. (He is so nice to me) 33 minutes into the movie. Makayla decides that she just needed a nap, not to go to sleep.  She continues to burn the midnight oil... after our movies was paused for 2 hours. I throw in the towel.  I curl up in a ball and dream of sleep. Luckily Makayla's sweet dad stuck it out to the bitter end with her, then came to bed to console me.  

I have been a momma for 15 months 3 weeks. Never had I felt so defeated.  I think the pregnancy hormones may have had something to do with it, but I thought- if I am going to have a break down- I couldn't have chose a better time:  the day before Mother's Day. 

Even by Saturday morning I was feeling like I had this mom thing figured out again.  A clean slate.  But Sunday really gave me the boost I needed. I was bombarded with reminders in the forms of quotes, talks, videos, texts, cards, and gifts of how important motherhood is and how I am doing ok with it. :) 

“May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you.”- Elder Holland

I am eternally grateful for the trust my Heavenly Father has put into me to bring Makayla and, another special spirit in the near future, into the world. What a calling.  I am glad that I had a rough day to realize that life goes on, I will figure this parenting thing out someday, I just pray that it is before all the kids are grown and gone.  

I am 100% confident that the joy Makayla brings to my heart and life far outweighs a long hot shower in solitude, a quiet leisure trip to the grocery store, or my own dinner plate. I love my bug.